You and You

Sometimes you get ruptured by your own beliefs. It feels like each one of your thought is holding a knife to cut you from inside. But how can you escape your own thoughts? Who can save you from you ? if you leave you,where to go ? and where to reach ? What else you have except you ? So you decide to stay. With yourself. Because all others have left you, because of you. Because now you are alone….because of you.

Anybody there ?

“A skeletal bony vagabond kneeling on the roadside as the rain pored. The thunder was exceptionally heavy on me. Dreadful pain in my gut, I was ravenously hungry. Palpitating with fright, my eyes wandered through the narrow streets of the town searching for help. It was too dark, the roads empty, my shadow left too.

My hiding place wasn’t watertight, I couldn’t look up so i looked down. Tattered clothes and beneath them were my little feet of a ten years old covered with mud. Chilled wind carried to me the odour of junk surrounding me. Looking on the right i found empty bottles, wrappers, some cigarette butts. To the right i found a broken doll house far in that garbage dump. I stood up with my trembling legs, reached and picked it up. I played with my misery, found a shade and amazed i laid. Suddenly felt so desolate and bereft. I threw the house away. I shut my eyes in anguish, I wept and I slept.

Waking up wasn’t easy. The sun was bright but i was drained . Half awake i walked to the roadside and sat there with my large sleepy mournful eyes. With a woeful voice I cried among the crowd ‘Is anybody there? I’m hungry! i’m dying. Please help me! ” Nobody believed, they scorned me and thought i was lying. God !Why can’t they see? Do i have to look more miserable to have some pity?? What do they want now ? to flay myself? ”

–  A story of many of those 1.5 million children living on streets

May be the world is just as cruel as he found it, full of atrocious brutality. Children like him are not just a topic to be discussed in news, characters to be performed in theaters and a thought to be written in books. They are a diabolical reality of our society. It is extremely pitiful and heart-wrenching to watch these children helpless in filthy clothes and forlorn faces on traffic signals . But when they beg us for food, the questions that come to our minds are: Do they really deserve our money? Who are these children? Where have they come from? Are they working with a mafia gang? meanwhile the signal turns green and we move on.

They are the most forgotten part of the society and i wonder why. If we keep neglecting the street children, they will resort to begging. No i don’t expect the government here to play their role. I know it can’t if we, the common citizens of the country keep ignoring the children in our surroundings. We need to eradicate this new profession (of begging) by helping them with all we have. Just don’t discuss them, feel them, please reach them, feed them, educate them. Tell them what does love look like because if you won’t, they will never know.

The Dual Existence

Under the dim lights of her past she swayed while the fading memories oscillated back and forth in front of her eyes.Remembered the time how frightened she was when she realized that she was a transgender.How would they react? Would they reject her existence?Would she be left to die alone ? Perplexed by the remembrance she got up and looked in the mirror.There she found a man ,familiar yet strange,staring at her ,it scared her.Who was he,she thought.Who was she,he thought.Turned away drowning in the ocean of memories again she recalled how all of her loved ones turned their back on her. Disgrace and disapproval was all she was left with.She felt a sudden jerk of loneliness inside her . Her own body was wearing a mask of destruction that she could not escape.She could not stop looking at herself in the mirror on the wall.The bewildered self she always hated .There was no other choice but to look in the mirror and discover what existed inside that figure of discontentment.It was a challenge that she had to face with wide eyes opened.Gender in her brain and gender in her body were mismatched.To survive was her soul purpose in this inhospitable world .People mocked at her ridiculed her.She was used to it they thought.Was she ? What is worse then being betrayed by your own body ? You become your own battlefield.You can not talk to anyone about it because it’s all between you and your body .You have to fight a battle of shame against your own body day after day.It never stops.NO,you never get used to it.She was hurt every single time.Her soul ripped apart a little when you teased her ,laughed at her .But she has mastered the art of hiding. Yet fighting the shadows of darkness every night,she wakes up and decorates herself with glimmering jewelry and gleaming tightened outfit that exposes the same body she detests .That’s how she entertains.Dancing and singing is the only way to earn a living as her presence is considered auspicious on wedding and childbirth celebrations. In her eyes i can see wisdom , i can see the urge of being known as a person , i can see the flames fueled by feelings ,i can see the desires shouting out loud , i can see a demand for respect .And that wisdom,those feelings,the desires and demands don’t have a gender .So i see in her eyes ‘A Human’….just like you !

Introverted socializing artistry

Surprisingly, I think if you’re known on the Internet, you’re probably an introvert.
Felicia Day

To think what technology has done to our lives makes my brains shrink. Being a 90’s child i miss the time when we could relish doing what we loved.

Thanks to social media , now we live a life to publish. I long for the enchantments and gaieties of the times when we were free .Socializing has become a chore,a job,in which we are accountable to others for doing what we like.The leisure,the ease is bygone.

When you are out on an event the only thing in the back of your mind is that how you will document this event ? You tell the world what are you eating. Where you are. What are you dressed like. How much you love your mom/dad. How much you  love being at a particular place. What are you reading ,listening ,watching . You’re having a great time with the friends at your place . And so on ! I have seen people so obsessed that they only focus on how they’ll let others know and meanwhile they forget about LIVING the moments entirely .

Another downside of social-media is that we start envying others on the best part of the life that they portray on Facebook/twitter , forgetting that’s not the entire truth.

Furthermore , people are turning into introverts because now they have options.Where they can pass judgments without getting exposed themselves. Non-crowded, quieter, low-key environments are more comfortable to us. We are becoming weak from within.The introverted socializing on the internet is destroying our social skills .We slowly get use to let them see the top-notch side of us.And when we have to face the real world with our failures ,there we fall.

It can’t be said that if we use social networking sites too much then we are socially deficient.But we just need to maintain a balance between the real world and this self created artificial world. We all need a breathing space.It’s not an obligation but a choice to tell them how we are doing with our lives.

Corporeal satisfaction is the death of ambitions

We are the greedy beings, and greed can completely exhaust the person .No matter how much you endure,cupidity that is immersed in you will never let you feel completely satisfied with the worldly accomplishments.We keep wanting more and more, and the passions are never ending and enough.Someone once said that ‘There are possibly two ways to get enough

  1. One is to continue to accumulate more and more.
  2. The other is to desire less. ‘

The second one seems quite difficult. Its a tough deal to desire less , no ? So what happens here is that we fail to slake the thirst for corporeal satisfaction.So the option we are left with then is ‘pretending’ .Hence we start pretending that we are satisfied.

 Yes people lie if they say that they are satisfied with what they have got in life. And lets suppose they aren’t lying then their apparent satisfaction might have grown on the following grounds …

  • they have put substantial effort in life’s business
  • they are NOT CAPABLE enough of doing anything further
  • they are too INDOLENT & SLOTHFUL to do anything ahead in life
  • they are too RIGID & STIFF-NECKED to disclose failure
  • they are simply TIRED
  • they are satisfied with the LITTLE

There is no instrument to measure satisfaction,but it comes with the most pure things in life  i-e love , dignity ,self-esteem ,self-awareness ,composure , peace of mind , self-possession and endless effort.

Contrary if you seek satisfaction in the worldly affairs , you will face nothing but disillusionment and dismay. Also you will murder your own ambitions and aspiration which should be never ending and colossal , just on a false impression of satisfaction.It is summed up quite precisely here ,

“As long as I have a want, I have a reason for living. Satisfaction is death. ” ― George Bernard Shaw

 

So my friend don’t worry if you encounter discontentment at some point in your life. Sometimes dis-satisfaction is a blessing. 
 

Habituation taken wrong

All of us are quite familiar with the term habituation.According to me , it is a phenomenon that is most practiced by the people of Pakistan.My native country Pakistan is currently fighting a battle  against countless enemies named as poverty,corruption and political instability,international interference ,economic crisis ,energy crises and above all TERRORISM.Unfortunately after the formation of the country in 1947 ,the country got very few chances to experience the effective and capable leadership.The successive governments proved themselves to be a greater mess than the former ones.Strange is that now if you reach and question people about their sentiments for the contemporary system ,the most popular answer that you’d hear them giving is

‘One of the previous governments was better than this at least . So we probably would like to elect them again’

This is habituation.Decrease in response to a chaos after repeated demonstrations.Lets take an example here , of a bomb blast , that killed 3 people.It once used to be a BIG news ,very depressing and painful .It still is , but the number there now  needs to be bigger to agonize us. We have become accustomed to the news like these.The unexpected havoc faced by the country is quite usual now .Our response is slowly diminishing. This diminished response is habituation.

We have unfortunately adjusted ourselves to the the situations that were once considered the worst .Now they are typical .Adjustment is good but ;

Adjustments should never be adjusted

We being the wise and knowledgeable mortals should be able to differentiate  between the circumstances in life which need adjustments and which need to be taken seriously and resolved .

 

The vibrant dead souls

It makes me crazy that we are all surrounding ourselves with stuff to fill a void that we as people have created in ourselves by not seeking out what’s meaningful.We fake ourselves whole of our lives trying to appear what we are not.If most of them like us ,it’s a testimony of the fact that we have faked it well . All we want in life is a confirmation from other beings.A verification that we are playing life the right way . We have entirely subjugated ourselves in a cage that is powered by the wills of others.This is our world ,we need to shape it,otherwise someone else will.

At-least once in a while bring this worldly temporal life to a halt. try it maybe? Stop watching TV , stop reading magazines , stop listening to the radio .The nexus of space and time in which you are right now is the most instantaneous sector of your universe.If you are worrying about Barack Obama,Enrique Iglesias , Bill gates ,shakira  , then you are dis-empowered .You have given all yourself to the icons that this media creates .You are being tyrannized completely .They are the ones who decide who you wanna be dressed like ? They tell you what you want from life? What color of eyes are in fashion , what you should eat and HOW you should eat , what culture and fashion you should follow ? They are controlling your beliefs and concepts.And then you call yourself free and alive ?

The REAL things are not these pre-eminent idols,celebrities , figures that you see and hear about on mass media. To you , REAL are the people , your friends, your family , your associations , your plans , your hopes , your dreams ,your fears and your desires.They make you.They form you after you form them. 

And what we are told ?That we aren’t important ! We are tiny toys in this cosmos .Getting a degree,a good job, a good secure materialized future is the notion of our success. Remember ;

Influence will keep changing its shape but it will never end…                                                     

We are required  to construct the world we live in and shape our own environment.Most caves are shaped by the flow of water through them.You need to be the stone,impenetrable and untraversable,not hollow.Let not the stream of the water alter you by its power.Be your own mentor . Stay blessed 🙂

A Sight of Unconditional Love ♥

i first heard this term (‘Unconditional Love’) in my psych 100 class .The teacher ,as soon as he uttered the term ,i completely got the idea what it would be like . Nor did i heard this term before ,neither i had anyone who ever told me what it meant.Yet it was so familiar as i have spent all my life searching for it . you know that feel ?when you start going down a new strange road , you suddenly realize you have walked this way before. It feels definitely amazing ,no ?to know a thing already that you thought was unknown .

Sometimes you feel so connected with ,,,with,,stuff. It can be anything ,,any THING ,,a word,a sentence ,a story ,a happening , a stranger that you meet for some seconds in the market , a quote ,,a pet ,,, a fly ,,a fly ? well ,,ugh !

once i and a friend of mine had an argument on what is unconditional love. He said that anyone can love unconditionally . He can be a friend,a lover,brother/sister maybe ? etc. but i didn’t agree .I thought about it ,a lot.I still doubt. This very special kind of love which surely (exists but where ?) is astounding and breathtaking. It is some kind of a medicine that can heal pain no matter how strong it is.

Have you ever loved someone unconditionally ?

NO! you haven’t until or unless you are parent,specifically a mother. when you love someone deeply,don’t you expect something in return? as in ‘love’ itself? respect? admiration ? favour ? honor? recognition ? and if nothing out of these,,,don’t you seek self satisfaction and contentment that you get by loving ?  We the humans are selfish creatures ,how can we summon all our energy into something we ain’t getting a reward for ?the mere sensuous gratification is all that keeps us going.Even here we’re thinking about ourselves in the end.Don’t you see?

But a Mother is the only selfless creature that can be found on the face of earth. You can never feel a love so pure a love as rewarding. No matter what you do ,how you behave,what you give ,what she takes.She is the one and only person in your life who is going to stay there unaltered. 

To me unconditional love seems like a myth ,my mom is the only reason i know it’s a real thing. It is the most fulfilling experience in life that one can be proud of. To love others unconditionally is a trait most of us haven’t got .I believe it can be developed with time if we try.So i will try ,my best.